Why I Am Afraid To Be Different


I'm struggling.

As you can tell I am struggling a bit on the consistency of posting. I keep making excuses, I don't make the time, I keep over-thinking everything and I tell myself I need to get all my ducks in a row before I really get serious about this whole blogging thing. 

One of those ducks is building a community and getting a readership, and one of the most common pieces of advice I've found is to start reading similar types of blogs, comment on them, and build relationships with a similar community of bloggers.

Except, I can’t find them. When I went out searching for similar blogs, blogs that talk about the hard shit, the negative, the existential questions that make you reevaluate yourself and your place in the world, I kept finding “Lifestyle” blogs.

I had originally thought my blog was a lifestyle blog since I would, in-fact, be talking about the lifestyle of evaluating yourself internally. But apparently, that is not what lifestyle blogs are. No, lifestyle blogs almost always include all or one of the following:

  • DIY - Projects on everything from scrapbooks to gardens to crafts with wine corks to bed frames
  • Fashion - Tips, tricks, pictures, suggestions
  • Home - Decor, home DIY projects, home accessories, home makeovers  
  • Food - Cooking, recipes, cocktails, party planning, presentations

Hi, my name is Sarah and I DO NOT DO ANY OF THIS SHIT. You will never see DIY projects on this blog. You will never see anything related to fashion, cooking, baking, or how I upcycled some piece of crap from my parents garage.  

And because I don't blog about any of these things, I feel like I am alone on my own little island without a community. It seems to me that I'm different, and that scares me.

I know we are all different and for the most part I am OK with not possessing any of the above skills. In fact, I've prided myself on being different most of my life. And I still do. But when it comes to being vulnerable, opening up, and sharing my thoughts on the internet...well... it's a bit scary to think that I am just talking to the wind. If I can't find like-minded people, then who am I talking to? If no one is listening, why should I be so vulnerable? 

Unlike most of these blogs, I am not offering up recipes, templates, or tips. I am writing simply to write and share and to maybe make someone else feel a little less alone about the crazy stuff in their head. But blogging as simply a means to share thoughts or your personal story seems to have disappeared. Unless you are offering tips or inspiration (and if you are offering inspiration you better be damned sure you are a spritly peppy person who is finding the silver lining in everything) why waste your time?

In case you haven't heard, I am not a spritly peppy person who is somehow finding the silver lining in everything.

Sometimes I have really shitty days and weeks. Sometimes I drive myself crazy over analyzing my life, social situations, my relationships, and where I am going. Sometimes I feel insecure and get jealous and envious and care too much about social media and then subsequently hate myself for how much I care about social media.

This is what I want to write about. This is what I want to offer to my readers. But this stuff? The real shit? I am afraid to share because I can't find a community. I feel like writing and sharing for the sake of writing and sharing is gone. And if I'm not offering value in DIY tips or fashion advice, then what am I doing? What is the point?